We’ve all been there. You’re on the toilet, curling one out, when you turn to grab some toilet roll and – shock horror – you realise you’ve left it with the rest of the shopping in the kitchen. So you squat, crab-like, with your jeans round your ankles, and shuffle your way into the kitchen before shuffling back to the bog to wipe your now poo-caked arse.
It’s happened to BBM before, as we explained to the police when they caught us naked from the waist down in Cheryl Cole’s bedroom. When we told them we’d actually just been desperate for a poo and had entered the nearest house we could find via a broken window, when the aforementioned toilet roll issue occurred, they soon realised their mistake and only gave us a “suspended” sentence, which as we all know doesn’t really count.
Anyway, we’re straying from the point somewhat. Basically, it’s not a good idea to be caught committing a nefarious deed while your jeans are around your ankles – as 21-year-old Mohammed Ali discovered when trying to rob Chris Newbury, 56, from Grangetown in Cardiff.
As the burglar tried to make his getaway, Newbury pounced, bravely grabbing Ali’s trousers.
Being a 21-year-old thug, Ali already had his jeans half way down his bloody arse anyway (like the cool kids do nowadays), and a few tugs from Newbury was all it took to loosen them.
“He threatened me that he had a knife but I was determined to hang onto him,” said Mr Newbury.
“I grabbed hold of his trouser leg and they just came down. They were those baggy trousers that youngsters wear half way down their backsides these days. He just stepped out of them and ran away in his underwear. But I was left holding the evidence. It was actually quite comical but I was upset because he got away.”
Naturally, running around Cardiff in your pants is a sure way to get attention from the police and he was soon arrested.
And in more good news, this story gave us the easiest headline we’ve written all day.
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