Howay the lads, winter is coming pet! Expect to see dragons flying over Tyneside any day now because it’s all going a bit Game of Thrones at St James’ Multinational Conglomerate Business Business Business Park ltd. The evil Mike Ashley still clings to power like a man-breasted boy-King, Alan “King of the North” Shearer is no closer to the throne (or to making an insightful comment on Match of the Day), and The Imp can still be seen lurking around like a poison dwarf (Dennis Wise).
And just like viewers’ reactions to the infamous Red Wedding scene in Game of Thrones last month, Toon supporters were similarly horrified by the shock plot twist that Joe “F$%&ing” Kinnear had been appointed as the club’s new director of football. No doubt he plans on inviting all the Geordie journos who annoyed him last time he was in charge to a ‘friendly’ press conference – just so he can hack their skulls off and replace them with wolf heads.
Just to remind you, in his first press conference during his last spell in charge, Kinnear called a Mirror journalist “A c—t” before adding: “Which one is Niall Hickman [Daily Express journalist]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you’re saying I turned up and they fucked off.”
Kinnear tried to salvage the PR disaster that is his appointment by going on Talksport to set the record straight. Hilariously, it backfired spectacularly, with crazy-as-batshit Kinnear mispronouncing several player names including Hatem Ben Arfa (Ben Afrie), Shola Ameobi (Amanobi) and Yohan Cabaye (Yohan Kebab).
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