What A Loch Of RubbishWhile BBM secretly craps itself whenever we take the piss out of Muslims, we all enjoy a good hearty laugh at Christians. With their turn-the-other-cheek mentality, we’re safe in the knowledge that no nine-eleven attacks will come our way should we call Jesus a freak, or call the Bible a load of old shit.

Consequently, we’re free to poke fun at American Christians (two easily mockable groups for the price of one) who are running a program of schools in the US which teach children the Loch Ness monster is real, and its existence disproves Darwin’s theory of evolution.

The fundamentalist Christian schools teach the wacky theory of creationism rather than the not-made-up theory of evolution, and one text book says: “Have you heard of the Loch Ness Monster in Scotland? ‘Nessie’ for short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur.”

Other claims in the book include the belief that dinosaurs were fire-breathing dragons, and that a Japanese whaling boat once caught a dinosaur. It all stems from a desire to explain the millions of years Earth existed that the Bible doesn’t account for if a literal interpretation of the Bible is applied. The schools believe that if it can be proved that man once walked the Earth with dinosaurs, then Darwin’s theory of evolution will be disproved. But seeing as it clearly never happened, all it proves is that Christian Americans are a bunch of narrow-minded twats.

Jonny Scaramanga, a former student (and presumably Bond villain) who now spends his time speaking out against fundamentalism says teachers re-write history to suit their religious beliefs. “The reason for that is they’re saying if Noah’s flood only happened 4,000 years ago, which they believe literally happened, then possibly a sea monster survived.

“If it was millions of years ago then that would be ridiculous. That’s their logic. It’s a common thing among creationists to believe in sea monsters.”

A Shaggy Dog’s Tale… click HERE