TENNIS: One half of the Williams brothers, Venus, has revealed he will not play again this year because of a persistent injury to his left knee.
The World number three (pictured right), who plays on the women’s tour due to the technicality of having a vagina, has been out since September 10th when he lost a US Open semi-final to Kim Clijsters.
“Unfortunately I must continue to keep weight off my knee for the short term and won’t be ready to return to competition in 2010,” Williams said while scratching her beard and smoking a pipe.
GOLF: After paving the way for Europe’s Ryder Cup Yank-spanking victory in Wales last week, Lee Westwood has given a middle-finger salute to the US Tour. He’s decided to play on the less financially rewarding European tour instead.
“I only want to play in tournaments that really mean something and not just turning up to some events because I think I should be there,” said Westwood, who will become the world number one if he makes a top two finish at the Dunhill Links Championship this weekend.
CRICKET: Likeable arsehole Greame Swann has even more of a reason to think the sun shines out of his nether regions after coming within a whisker of the ICC player of the year award.
He was pipped by Indian legend Sachin Tendulkar, known to cricket fans as ‘the little bastard’.
There was some good news for England fans, however, when paceman Steve Finnan, the former Liverpool left-back was named emerging cricketer of the year following a successful spell with Portsmouth last season.