IMAGINE the scene. An old man whips out his huge organ in front of Camilla Parker-Bowles and starts pounding some pussy while the Prince of Wales laughs and goads him on.
“Dear God!” We hear the Royalists among you say. “Creating such a mental image is treason young boy! Come here while I give you a sound thrashing. It’s the Tower for you, you wastrel!”
To which we’d reply, in our cheekiest Cockney accent: “But it’s all true gav’ner, gawd’s awnest it is! I saw it wiv me arn peepers so I did!”
It sounds like the most disturbing porn scene ever but we assure you, dear reader, the whole thing happened while being overseen by that duke of depravity – Alan Titchmarsh.
The King in waiting (for a long time) and his missus, were reportedly reduced to tears as local weirdo Henry Dagg belted out a rendition of Somewhere Over The Rainbow on his ‘cat organ’ during an eco-festival at Clarence House.
Apparently, Dagg’s organ has been constructed out of 16 fluffy toy cats and also amused celebs Titchmarsh, Brian Blessed and Jools Holland who attended the Prince’s Start initiaitive.
Frankly, the cat organ sounds pants – but it would have been worth the entry fee hear Brian Blessed’s bellowing laughter. like a demented demi-god.