“What’s the difference between God and Bono?
God doesn’t wander around Dublin thinking he’s Bono.” Ciaran, Surry Hills
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, “Are you on foot or in the car?”
Billy says, “In the car.”
Paddy says, “That’s the quickest way.” Ian, Northbridge
The drunk rang Dublin airport and inquired: ‘How long does it take to fly to New York from Dublin?’
‘Just a second,’ said the receptionist.
Thank you,’ said the drunk and replaced the phone. Mickey, Adelaide
An Englishman, a French and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities’ brains were for sale for transplant purposes. A French or a Scotsman’s brain could be bought for $500 but an Englishman’s brain cost $10,000.
That proves,’ said The Englishman, ‘that Englishmen are much cleverer than Frenchmen or Scotsmen.’
‘No it doesn’t,’ said The Scot,
‘it just means that an Englishman’s brain has never been used.’ Karen, Manly Beach
An Irishman walks into a pub and orders dozens of martinis, removing the olives, placing them in a jar, and drinking the martinis. When the jar is filled with olives and all the martinis drank, he starts to leave.
The bartender stops him and asks, “Excuse me but, what was that all about?”
The Irishman replies, “My wife sent me out for a jar of olives.” Michael, Margaret River
“What are you doing”, “Hunting Flies”
“Killed any?”, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.” Jimmy, Brisbane
Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day! Laura, Surry Hills
“Q: Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer?
A: Cause the grass tickles their balls” Sean,Townsville
Here’s to a long life and a merry one, a quick death and an easy one, a pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one! Ryan, Nowhere Else
Drink green beer on St Patricks Day! It counts as a vegetable! Wayne, Oyster Bay