Shocking jokesI’m hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm.
If you can’t come let me know. Jason, St Kilda

After I’ve finished masturbating, I like to sit on my hand for a while so it feels like someone else makes me a sandwich. Greg, Surry Hills

Was walking home from the pub with my mate when he got hit by a car.
He lay there writhing in agony. He screamed at me, “Call me an ambulance… call me a fucking ambulance!”
So I shouted at him, “You’re a fucking ambulance” Richard, Bondi

When it comes to girls, I’m like the tortoise.
I like to get there before the hair. Phil, Paddington

The missus said to me, “Our marriage has come to an end.”
I said, “Fuck off, only good things come to an end.” Gary, Kings Cross

The new “Freedom Tower”, which is replacing the fallen Twin Towers, is almost built.
Al Qaeda are calling it, “Level 2”. Mike, Fitzroy

I went up to the drugstore counter and
said, “I need some condoms and some
The girl said, “Don’t you mean spermicide?”
No, I said, “I need pesticide. My wife has a
bug up her ass and I’m going after it. Ben, Manly