A pretty young gypsy girl knocked on my door and asked if I had any old clothing.I said yes, but asked what I would get in return. She said I could play with her breasts.?I thought, that’s fair, tit for tat.?? James, Bondi
I’m in trouble with the wife. We were in bed naked and she asked what I would like to do most with her body.? Apparently “Identify it” wasn’t the right answer.? Alex, Surry Hills
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. ?But strangely enough; once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. ?So I thought…Sod it…soldier on.?? Jan, St Kilda
Just said to the missus…”Hey fat gut… What do you want for Valentines Day?”? She said “Don’t get fucking lippy” ?I said “Mascara it is then!”?? Theo, Fitzroy
I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. ?I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. ?Then I remembered Wetherspoons serve breakfast until 11.30.? Dave, Paddington
You won’t hear from me for a while mate. ?Being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables…I gotta lilo.?? Josh, Richmond
News just in….There’s a female ref for the United v City match. ?The kick off has been put back an hour so she can park her car. ?Paddy got a letter in the post this morning. It landed on the floor, says on the envelope DO NOT BEND. ?He’s still wondering how to pick it up! ?George, Manly
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. Dan, Darlinghurst
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