“I DON’T know if he will be captain next season….I joke….I like to joke in press conferences,” – New Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti has them rolling in the aisles when asked about John Terry’s future during a press conference, even though he could be gone to City by the time you read this.

•”I THOUGHT Ricky was crap when he was first captain in 2004 and nothing much has improved since then,” – Aussie legend Jeff Thomson gives his verdict on Ashes skipper Ricky Ponting.
Just say what you think, Thommo.

•”HAVE you seen the numbers? “200,000! That’s an incredible amount to be following me when I’ve only been on Twitter four weeks. And you know what they say? Numbers count,” – Golfer Ian Poulter’s narcissim also extends to his Twitter account.

• “WE’RE getting past it, we’re moving on. There’s a lot of things I regret. I regret the way that I went about this process and I also regret some of the things I said,” – LA Galaxy captain Landon Donovan after kissing and making up with David Beckham, who he had criticised for being ‘unprofessional’.

•”THE Bavarian way of life suits me like a warm coat” – Louis van Gaal on his comfy new role at Bayern Munich.

Gay keen on grand prix

ATHLETICS: One of the fastest gays in the world will compete at London’s grand prix.
Tyson Gay ran a 200m time of 19.58 seconds in May this year, which is the third fastest in history. BBM had a go at the 200m once: think we came in around 101.34 seconds when timers excluded the break we took for wind at 87m. A valiant attempt.
Gay is using the London event to warm up for the World Championships on August 15.
“The race in London is important for me as a final test for the world championships. I’ve only raced once this season in the 200m,” said Gay.

Martial tarts

TAEKWONDO (YES, REALLY): Now we don’t feature news from the taekwondo world on these pages too often.
Don’t get us wrong, watching people getting repeatedly kicked can be fun, but it is undoubtedly a niche sport.
That said, it’s not every day that an Olympic hopeful opens an escort agency to fund his attempts to get to the 2012 London Games.
But that is exactly what New Zealander Logan Campbell has done, according to reports in the NZ local press and the Guardian. Hmm, a pimp who knows taekwondo. Oh shit.
Logan explained to local press in Auckland that he had spent large sums of money competing in international competitions: most of this money had come from the athlete’s parents. No longer wanting to be a financial burden he has established an escort agency with a business partner.
“Mum was hesitant but she met the girls, a couple came over to her house and she was sweet as,” said Campbell.
“She realised they were just normal people supporting their kids and stuff. When people think of a pimp they think of a guy standing around on a street corner with gold chains. Pimps are more tough-type guys. I’m an owner of an escort agency.”
“Some people on the team will not think highly of me for doing this. If they saw this place and how it’s operated, they’d change their mind.”

RUGBY: In fairness, you know when you’ve been tangoed.
Gavin Henson has had a crap time of it with injuries. Reports this week said he was retiring, at 27.
“I’ve certainly been having difficulties with a recurring injury but I have absolutely no intention of quitting the game. I’m receiving the best medical care to help me address the injury problem, and I’m sure that I’ll be able to put it behind me in the very near future,” said Henson.
His Ospreys Club MD Like Cuddy said: “It’s been very difficult for Gavin having to deal with various rumours about his retirement at a time when he is trying to recover from injury and get match fit.
“Gavin Henson has played a significant part in the success of the Ospreys to date, and we’re looking forward to seeing him perform on the pitch again next season.”