Before you ask, no we’re not recycling stories from two weeks ago. And before you ask, yes, all Americans give their children stupid names they’ve stolen from the Beckhams.

Another little rummy has been taken to hospital in the states after being served alcohol at a restaurant. After four-year-old Brooklyn complained that her milkshake didn’t taste good Mother Tyree discovered the milkshake was actually an alcoholic mudslide.

After Brooklyn began to doze off at the table police advised that she be taken to hospital.

“Fuck that,” said Tyree, “this is the cheapest baby-sitter ever! What’d you put in this- Baileys?”