For my New Year’s Resolution, I have decided to only smoke after sex.
If 2009 is anything to go by, I’ve quit. Nile, St Kilda
New Year’s resolution- Date more models.
Revised- Date more.
Revised again- Get a date.
Revised one last time- Stop crying whilst masturbating. Edward, Peterborough
I’m going out with this girl who has a plasticine fanny.
I havnt fucked her yet but I think I’ve made an impression. Will, Koh Phi Phi
Sally was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to George, her husband, ‘I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’
‘Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered George smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, George approached Sally and handed her small package.
Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: The Meaning of Dreams. Yannick, Paddington
The jokes about paedophilia are getting old….
Fortunately, millions of new ones are born every year. Ed, Darlinghurst
My New Year’s resolution was to stop sending paedophilia jokes to BBM.
I think I was upsetting my victims’ families. Dan, Surry Hills
My New Year’s resolution is to finish my jokes before being distr… Rob, Surry Hills
On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death. Richie, Fitzy
May all your troubles last as long as your Nw Year’s resolutions! Crystal Balls
Think you can do better? send in your jokes to [email protected]
