“BBM disclaimer: This next story feature scenes that may disturb male viewers. Reading the article may result in severe wincing, leg crossing and an inability to test plums for ripeness, you have been warned.”
A referee is suing the Kenyan football authorities after having his testicles grabbed and squashed by an angry manager. Talk about being given a lesson in close ball control. Yeeech!
Martin Wekesa Wamalwa was officiating a match between local rivals Admiral and Sparki Youth in September of last year when Sparki boss Daudi Kajembe – who was later arrested – took a bit of a dislike to one of his decisions and made a lunge for his pride and joy.
What happened next cannot be described for squeamish reasons but now Wamalwa is demanding 20million Kenyan shillings (£156,000) after the attack left him “no longer able to enjoy his conjugal rights”.
“That was the most gruesome moment of my life, I can never explain the pain but I’m lucky to be alive,” said Wamalwa, presumably in a flawless falsetto.
“On that day I remember I fainted after the guy attacked me squeezing me dangerously in my sensitive parts.
“I was affected mentally and physically since I became a subject of ridicule in town.”
Wamalwa is now seeking compensation for his injuries because, according to his lawyer, he has “suffered permanent incapacity and can no longer enjoy his conjugal rights following extensive damage to his sexual organs”.
On the plus side, he no longer needs a whistle for games as his voice is now naturally that high pitched. A career as a Bee Gees impersonator beckons
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