APPARENTLY the Chuckle Brothers have only just finished opening their Christmas presents.
The labelling was once again a nightmare.
Dan, Richmond
I bought Bonnie Tyler’s car last year on eBay.
It’s fucking awful, every now and then it falls apart.
Ted, Kings Cross
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Dave.”
“Dave who?”
Dave holds back tears as he realises his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse.
Johnny, Vaucluse
I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on the way I had cooked his steak. “Well done” is rare from a medium.
George, Penrith
I saw a dead woman laying in a field last night so I reported it to the police.
They said, “How did you find her body?”
I said, “Tits were fine, her arse was too big.”
Dave, Blacktown
I once saw Guns N’ Roses in Tesco.
“That’s weird,” I thought. “Selling them on the same aisle.”
Harry, Hawksbury
For Christmas, my daughter asked for ‘The Michael Jackson Experience’ so I gave it to her. It wasn’t what she was expecting.
James, Pyrmont
I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis.
I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.
Jez, Brisbane
I have a friend named Jay.
We call him J for short.
Sam, Perth
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall.
And I plan on sticking to it.
Malcolm, Rushcutters Bay
My wife asked, “How did that mark get on your cock?”
He just climbed on.
Terry, Surry Hills
