Photo of the JokerI WAS ramming this girl up the arse the other day.
“Oi, any more of that and you’re off the dodgems,” shouted the fairground owner.

Jack, Bondi


I’VE BOUGHT myself a chinchilla.
That should keep my face nice and cool in the warm weather.
Peter, Coogee

I SAID to this girl: “Did you know the Argentine blue-bill duck has, for its size, the largest penis of any vertebrate, over half it’s body length?”
“Get out of here,” she said.
“It’s true,” I replied. “And did you know that the blue whale ejaculates around five gallons of sperm?”
“No, I literally mean get out of here,” she said. “This is the ladies toilets you fucking pervert.”  
Jimmy, Edgecliff

I’VE made myself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap.
She’s a bit clingy.
Timothy, Perth

I WAS only young when I learned to count.
It was odd at first, even then.
Todd, Coogee

SHARKS aren’t the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in a pair of Speedos, I’d probably attack him too.  
Ted, Townsville


I HATE street performers.
Then again, I’m a mime, so I can’t really talk.  
John, Croydon

WHEN I broke up with my girlfriend she started crying and said I was a self-centred bastard.
You should’ve seen the look on my face.
Roger, Randwick


I’VE just been mugged by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Ironically, he wasn’t wearing a mask so I don’t know which one it was.
Jimbo, Cairns

Girl: What colour are my eyes?
Guy: 34C.
Thomas, Brisbane