Glasgow Commonwealth Games

It seems somehow fitting that this July’s Commonwealth Games should be held in Glasgow. With the vote for national independence just a few months away, this could well be Scotland’s last chance to celebrate any kind of sporting success that doesn’t involve perennial scowler Andy Murray.
Considering the state of their national rugby and football teams, they could be waiting a while for any team-based triumph after they exit TeamGB. If only alcoholism was a sport. Still there’s always curling.
Or they could, of course, change their traditional diet of fried Mars Bars and Irn-Bru to something a little more conducive to a sporty lifestyle. We can almost imagine the outrage north of the border: “Och nae! Ye cannae tek ma wee haggis! What else ama supposd tae eat wi mi whiskey at breakfast?”
Well it’s a bit late for that innit, ya filthy Scots! You’ve been supping on the teat of Mother England for too long; it’s time you learnt how to fend for yourselves. Why can’t you be a good little boy like Wales? You never hear any moaning from them, and they had two teams in the Premier League last year!
But, as we were saying, it’s the Commonwealth Games this month and disaster has struck the Australian camp. Apparently their official uniform is a bit pants.
More than 15,000 people polled by the Daily Telegraph said the green and gold kit was ugly, The Australian likened the official knitwear to “nanna jumpers”, and Elle Australia’s deputy editor Damien Woolnough remarked that the uniforms were an example of “why Olympians used to perform naked”. Someone should definitely pass that last suggestion on to Stephanie Rice. Personally, we think it looks like Kermit the frog vomited on someone after too much spaghetti.
“The woolly jumper looks like the design worn by the Where’s Wally character in children’s books. This time it’s lime green to ensure everyone will find you – like it or not,” said Prue Lewington, fashion editor for the Daily Telegraph.