footballTHE race is on to see who will get sacked first out of Gerard Houllier, Carlo Ancelotti, Roy Hodgson and Avram Grant.
The smart money is on Hodgson but in the crazy sack-first-ask-questions-later world of Premier League football, anyone knows. All four are are under pressure after a string of shit results – the most baffling of which are probably Chelsea’s.
The Blues sunk to Liverpool levels of embarrassment this week following a 1-0 defeat to Wolves. “I would be surprised if I am sacked. I am not fearing. I don’t have a fear. I have a worry because we don’t reach the result,” said Ancelotti while biting his nails, twitching his eye and flicking imaginary flies from his face.

Meanwhile, over at Villa Park, Gerard Houllier has needed just half a season to turn a half-decent Villa side into a lump of shit.
The Villans slipped into the relegation zone this week but Houllier reckons he’s still safe.
The Frenchman said: “I spoke to Paul Faulkner and he was very supportive. “I don’t doubt Randy Lerner’s firm support and determination. We are in this together for better or worse.”

And after a couple of wins or West Ham appeared to give him a bit of breathing space, Avram Grant finds himself back to square one after a 5-0 hammering to Newcastle that sent the Hammers back to the foot of the table.” I feel confident I’m the man to lead us out of trouble,” he said without confidence.” Up until this result, we’ve done well.”

Roy Hodgson’s wild Anfield ride continues to reach new depths following the club’s 3-1 slump to Blackburn. Frankly, we’re amazed he’s still in a job as we write this and is still expected to take charge of the Reds FA Cup tie with Man United this weekend. Word on the Scally street is that Kenny Dalglish will be in charge after that one whether they win or lose.

Blackburn’s in no way a publicity stunt attempt to sign Ronaldinho has died on its arse. But the buck-toothed Samba boy has his heart set on a return to his home club in Brazil. He said: “I’m not an object up for auction. If I could, I’d already be wearing a Gremio shirt, even earning less.”

Phil Brown’s main source of income will no longer be Tom Jones impersonations, after the former Hull boss took over at Preston North End this week. Former Lilywhites boss Darren Ferguson was sacked last week after less than a year in charge, with his dad promptly throwing a hissy fit and taking back all the United youngsters who had been on loan at Deepdale.

Sam Allardyce wants to do his bit for FIFA’s expansion into the Middle East by introducing his special brand of hoof-ball tactics to the region. The former Blackburn boss wants to take charge of the Qatar national team. “The Emirates lifestyle is fabulous. It would be great to manage in another country,” he pleaded.

Mentally insane powermonger Sepp Blatter wants to tamper with the rules of the game again and has questioned the decision to award three points for a win. “At the moment three points are awarded for a win and one for a draw, which is something we can discuss and decide whether it’s a good thing or not,” he cackled evilly.

Aldershot have suspended, fined and transfer listed striker Marvin Morgan after he told the club’s fans he “hoped they all died” on Twitter. Supporters booed him during the club’s 2-1 defeat to Hereford last week and the genius responded online with the words: “Like to thank the fans who booed me off the pitch. Where’s that going to get you! I hope you all die.”