It was only a matter of time before the county famed for being so sexually driven they named themselves after the act decided to enforce sluttiness.

Actually that’s not true at all. The bra ban is intended solely for female police officers (still Essex Police Ban Brassexy), but for an entirely different reason.

New official guidance inform female officers that they are not to wear under-wired bras as a safety precaution. The concern is that if they should be shot, the wire may increase the damage done by the impact.

With the supposed absence of bullet-proof brassieres they are instead being encouraged to wear bras without wires and specifically “a good comfortable fitted non-wired bra from a retailer like Marks & Spencer”.

Makes you wonder if they’re getting a cut of M&S lingerie sales…

A spokesperson for Marks and Spencer said: ‘One in five British women choose M&S for their lingerie because we offer a wide range of every type of bras – both wired and non-wired – which are designed to give a flattering fit, whilst providing great comfort and high levels of support.’

More like a sales pitch than a relevant statement…

According to the guidelines laid out by the Home Office, knife attacks to the ‘bust area’ would make no difference, but for gun shots under-wire bras are a no no.

“The Home Office Scientific Development Branch have always advised officers that body armour should be close fitting to the body and hard objects such as metal buttons, press studs, badges and the like should never be placed beneath body armour.
If this advice is followed there should be no need for female officers to wear specially padded protection at the bust area as the trauma protection provided by body armour certified to HOSDB standards is sufficient to prevent serious injury – although the wearing of padded bras will not adversely affect the safety of the wearer providing they contain no metallic/plastic wiring.
The problem only arises if an officer is shot; there should be little or no problems with any additional injury caused as a result of a knife attack as the risk of trauma injury is much greater will ballistic attack than knife attack.”

The officers have also been issued with new black tight-fit shirts.

So that’s braless female officers in skin-tight tops. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next thing they proposed was that nearby firemen should always douse them with their hoses in case they got too hot.

By Lewis Roe

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