As any Italian will tell you, when it comes to diving, it’s not about how much contact was made or whether the foul was deliberate – it’s about how convincingly you can roll around the floor screaming in agony while your teammates theatrically tug at their shirts and open their mouths in a kind of Frog Chorus for the referee. But we Brits have never quite got the whole “diving” thing quite right.
Some claim that’s because of an inherent honesty in our game. However, a more likely explanation is that we just plain suck at anything in football that requires technical skill. Just ask Dennis Swales, the 27-year old captain of a Sunday League Catholic Club in Hartlepool.
For starters, he did his dive AFTER he’d just scored. Rookie error Dennis, we’re no experts, but referees very rarely award penalties or free kicks during post-goal celebrations. Secondly, Dennis’s dive was shit. So shit in fact, that he almost paralysed himself after breaking his neck.
“In elation (after scoring) I ran towards the manager and out of the corner of my eye I saw a puddle,” said diving Dennis.
“I did my Jurgen Klinsmann celebration, but instead of flying through the mud, I got my face stuck in the grass and my full body weight went through my neck.
“I cracked two vertebrae and had four damaged discs which have had to be replaced with plastic ones.”
Despite the severity of the injury, Dennis will walk again, thanks to an operation at the University Hospital of North Tee. However, his days of amateur
football, and spectacularly screwing up goal celebrations, are over.
“I’m devastated,” he said. “At 27 years old I am just hitting my prime. I was having the season of my life and that celebration took it all away from me.”
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