SO we were met this week with the shock news that Steven Gerrard MBE had been arrested and we had this sort of in-depth coverage from every newpaper:
‘Gerrard was arrested. We have pictures showing blood at the scene but don’t know if it’s related to the incident. We actually don’t know much and can tell you even less. So please see our lengthy in-depth analysis repeating how little we know.’
And there were similar reports on every subsequent day.
What we do know is that Gerrard was held for 21 hours and will be at court in three weeks charged with assault and affray over the fracas at the Lounge Inn in Southport and faces up to five years in jail.
He was nicked with five ‘mates’ after a fight in the early hours of Monday as Gerrard celebrated scoring twice in the 5-1 hammering of Newcastle.
Part-time DJ, father of two and (most importantly) Man United fan Marcus McGee, 34, was rushed to hospital for four stitches to head wounds and treatment for a broken nose and tooth after a row believed to have been sparked by the type of music the venue was playing.
The Sun tried their best to enlighten us with quotes from barmaid Eve Watts: “I don’t want to be associated with it. I work there. I didn’t know who the person was that got hit.”
And this gem from ‘a nearby newsagent’: “My milkman told me that there were police officers and forensics outside the club at about 5.30am after a fight had taken place.”
For the record, BBM’s staff can confirm we weren’t in Southport and saw nothing.
Gerrard, who has been backed by the club, remained tight-lipped, but thankfully gave us his views two days earlier by writing a Prayer for Liverpool for the Anglican cathedral. His message: an end to violence.

• FOR ANYONE who thought that despite France 98 occurring over a decade ago, Brazilian Denilson was still doing stepovers somewhere near Nimes, we have news – he thinks he is heading to England.
The ‘pedalada’ dribbling feint, used to fool defenders was able to trick a few hapless Scots, but remarkably it made Real Betis think he was the kind of player who could actually create or score goals, which he couldn’t and is also kind of the point of football.
So Big Den became the most expensive player in the world when Betis paid £21.5 million for him from Sao Paulo, and the 31-year-old is targeting a return to Europe in a bid to resurrect his career after being released by Palmeiras. Before that he ‘enjoyed’ spells at powerhouse clubs FC Dallas, Flamengo, Bordeaux and Al-Nasr.
“Football does not end with Palmeiras. I’m going to continue playing. The decision was not mine, but the club’s.
“I want to play in Europe, but I am not in a rush. I have received proposals from England. I am studying
them,” he said.
So who do you reckon the offers are from, Bolton or Newcastle?

• IN one of the greatest understatements since the 1949 book Popular Mechanics said “Computers in the Future May Weigh No More than 1.5 Tons,” big boned Brazilian behemoth Ronaldo admits he needs to lose some weight before making his Corinthians debut.
The three-time FIFA World Player of the Year completed a shock move to the Sao Paulo club and said: “I think I’ll lose five or six kilograms during pre-season. People exaggerate as soon as they see some difference in the size of the body. I am
overweight, but it’s quite natural. It is the result of a long time of inactivity.”
We know how you feel Ronny. We’ve been saying that for years.

• QUOTE of the week comes from Dennis Lachter, the shady agent of Andrei Arshavin (prounced arse shavin’):
“We know Arsene Wenger likes the look of Arshavin. But I like the look of Angelina Jolie. It doesn’t always mean you get what you want.”