From its football clubs to its rugby team, the reason for Bristol’s shitness at sport remains a mystery.
Some point to a report late last year that showed the city has the worst sporting facilities of any major British city. Others say it’s because the city is too close to Wales, and some of their shitness has rubbed off via osmosis. If Ian Holloway had been born anywhere else he’d probably have been leading England to the World Cup.
But whatever the reason for Bristol’s cackness, the point was rammed home again last month when the city’s megabucks rugby club failed to win promotion to the Premiership after losing 36-28 over two legs in a play-off with London Welsh. This came just after Bristol Rovers had been relegated from the Football League.
For the fifth biggest city in the UK (ahead of Manchester), it’s pretty shocking – although admittedly, the city does come top of the hilarious British accents list, just pipping the Brummies.
“Bristol is desperately in need of new sporting facilities but attempts to deliver these are being constantly thwarted,” ooo-aahed Jeremy Richards, who works for a research company looking into Bristol’s awfulness. “Our sports clubs are experiencing uphill battles in their desperate quest to deliver new facilities – witnessed in the recent past with Bristol City and Gloucestershire Cricket, and now Bristol Rovers appear to be experiencing yet another barrier.”
Maybe one day the riddle of Bristol’s sporting suffering will be solved, but for now, it seems, those West Country boys should stick to what they’re good at – drinking cider and inbreeding.

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