Christmas has been cancelled. Mary has owned up. Paul, Bondi
“Oh Mary, you’re pregnant! That’s wonderful! And I’m not the father, but that’s okay, because God is? Awesome!”
I love naivety plays. Joseph, Bethlehem
Last Christmas eve I was sitting opposite the wife on the sofa when I asked “What am I getting for Christmas?”
She winked, hitched up her skirt to reveal her big bushy fanny and replied “This”
I was gutted in the morning when I opened my box of pubes. Peter, Darlinghurst
“You’re an angel.” I said to my wife, as I shoved the Christmas tree up her arse. Christian, Surry Hills
Marks And Spencers new advert states that it wouldn’t be Christmas without M&S.
They’re right too. It’d be Chrita. James, Port Stephans
The day after Christmas, I had a guy knock on my door, trying to preach to me about Jesus, saying how I should repent for my sins.
My 10-year-old son was still excited and ran to the door shouting “Santa Claus came to my house!”
The man looked at me and said “Isn’t he a bit old to believe that there’s an invisible man in the sky, watching everything you do, judging whether you’re good or bad?”
I looked at him and asked “Sorry, which church were you from again?” Simone, Fremantle
Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.
Such a pity it was a puppy. Rachel, Bronte
Just think – the old homeless guy who sits outside my local station doesn’t know what it’s like to have a full tummy on Christmas Day.
But he will do this Friday, thanks to me –
I’m gonna go down there and tell him. Steven, Surry Hills
I really enjoy giving my son the Christmas feel. James, Elizabeth Bay