Really Funny Christmas Jokes Christmas has been cancelled. Mary has owned up. Paul, Bondi

“Oh Mary, you’re pregnant! That’s wonderful! And I’m not the father, but that’s okay, because God is? Awesome!”

I love naivety plays. Joseph, Bethlehem

Last Christmas eve I was sitting opposite the wife on the sofa when I asked “What am I getting for Christmas?”

She winked, hitched up her skirt to reveal her big bushy fanny and replied “This”

I was gutted in the morning when I opened my box of pubes. Peter, Darlinghurst

“You’re an angel.” I said to my wife, as I shoved the Christmas tree up her arse. Christian, Surry ¬†Hills

Marks And Spencers new advert states that it wouldn’t be Christmas without M&S.

They’re right too. It’d be Chrita.¬†James, Port Stephans

The day after Christmas, I had a guy knock on my door, trying to preach to me about Jesus, saying how I should repent for my sins.

My 10-year-old son was still excited and ran to the door shouting “Santa Claus came to my house!”

The man looked at me and said “Isn’t he a bit old to believe that there’s an invisible man in the sky, watching everything you do, judging whether you’re good or bad?”

I looked at him and asked “Sorry, which church were you from again?” Simone, Fremantle

Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.

Such a pity it was a puppy. Rachel, Bronte

Just think – the old homeless guy who sits outside my local station doesn’t know what it’s like to have a full tummy on Christmas Day.

But he will do this Friday, thanks to me –

I’m gonna go down there and tell him. Steven, Surry Hills

I really enjoy giving my son the Christmas feel. James, Elizabeth Bay