A Scottish Meat Feast

It’s one of Newton’s basic rules of physics. When you’ve been out on the piss all night, you will get an overwhelming urge to eat a kebab on the way home. It’s science.

But a pair of dumb-ass Scotch criminals took that principal to new extremes this week, when they were caught on CCTV breaking into a kebab shop and grabbing a 70lb slab of kebab meat in an after hours raid on a takeaway.

They also grabbed several shish kebabs and a 10kg container of raw marinated chicken after breaking into the establishment in Midlothian, Scotland. But the daft bastards failed to notice the cash register full of money.

“I got a phone call from my brother to say he thought we had been broken into because some of the pizza trays were out of place”, Kebab Mahal owner Azher Rashid said. “The kebab machine had been moved and shish kebabs had gone missing. Initially, that’s all we thought had been taken but when we checked the CCTV, we found out they had stolen the doner meat and the chicken they didn’t even stop at the computers or at the till.”

Not only that, but the shop’s owners reckon the meat would have gone off by the time they got home – making their haul worthless at best, and vomit-inducing at worst.

“They were a bit dumb, to be honest, it was like something you would see on that TV programme, Americas Dumbest Criminals,” added Rashid. “Within a few hours, the doner would have defrosted and they wouldn’t have had anything to cook it with. Most likely, they have dumped it.”

Police are still searching for the culprits, and have urged anyone who’s seen a two-mile long trail of salad and humus in the area to step forward.

What a Loch of rubbish… click HERE

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