For quite some time now, the Chinese have been hooked on the adrenaline-fuelled thrill-fest that is professional snooker. In fact, the sport has caught on so much that the snooker-loopy nation has been trying to convince the game’s governing body to hold the World Championship in Beijing.
So far, that dream has always been denied, with World Snooker arguing that the Crucible in Sheffield is, and always will be, the home of the game. You’d think that’d be the end of the matter, but those crazy Chinese bastards have come up with a loophole to get around this little inconvenience – by building an exact replica of The Crucible on the outskirts of Beijing. Now if they just create two shit football clubs and get Pulp to play at the opening, it’ll be just like a mini-Sheffield. Seems only fair considering how many China towns there are in major cities across the world, at least this way the Chinese have a suburb to go to for authentic Yorkshire puddings and knock-off DVDs of the Full Monty.
“They’ve built a replica of the Crucible just outside Beijing in this amazing leisure resort. They say: ‘Why can’t we have the World Championship here? It’s still the Crucible’,” said Barry Hearn, chairman of World Snooker.
“It just shows you there are no lengths to which the Chinese people won’t go to actually having the best on their own doorstep. They’ve copied the Crucible and, if anything, it might be slightly better!”
Nonetheless, Hearn said there was far more to it than that, saying that on his watch the World Championship would always be held in Sheffield and that the sport would always remain uninspiring and dull.
“You don’t move Wimbledon and you don’t move the Crucible,” he said while doffing his flat cap and tying his whippet to the bar. “As a traditionalist, I don’t want to see any changes to that.”
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